Intelligent Intoxication

Embracing a "Gain Mindset" As An Empty-Nester

Episode Summary
Do you ever look around your quiet home and wonder, “What now?”Your kids are thriving, but you feel… stuck. It’s easy to measure your life by what’s missing — the noise, the busyness, the clear sense of purpose you once had.
In this episode, we explore a powerful concept from Dan Sullivan’s book The Gap and the Gain - the idea that fulfillment comes from how far you’ve come, not how far you still have to go. When you shift from living in the gap (what’s missing) to the gain (what’s grown), you begin to see yourself — and your life — in a whole new light.
If you’re a former stay-at-home mom navigating the empty nest stage and craving a renewed sense of joy, purpose, and self-expression, this episode will help you find fulfillment not by doing more, but by seeing more of what’s already here.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
What it means to live in “the gap” — and why it drains your confidence and joy
How to recognize and celebrate “the gains” you’ve already made through motherhood
Simple mindset shifts to measure progress by growth, not by goals
Episode Highlights
1️. Understanding “The Gap” When we measure ourselves against an ideal version of who we think we should be, we always come up short. The “gap” keeps us focused on lack — on what’s not done, not perfect, not yet discovered.
2️. Shifting into “The Gain” The “gain” is what happens when you measure yourself against where you started. It’s the recognition that you’ve already grown — in wisdom, strength, compassion, and creativity — through the years of raising your family and building a home.
3️. Living from the Gain From this new perspective, you start to see daily life differently. Instead of saying, “I’m behind on finding my purpose,” you might say, “I’m already rediscovering what lights me up.” You begin to notice how much beauty and growth already exists within you — and how it can shape what’s next.
Reflective Journal Prompts
What qualities have I developed through motherhood that I’m proud of?
How have I grown in the past 10 or 20 years?
What do I now know about myself that I didn’t before?
What are three “gains” I can celebrate today?
Quotes From The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan:
“The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.”
 
“Being in the GAIN means you measure yourself backward, against where you were before. You measure your own progress. You don’t compare yourself to something external. You don’t measure yourself against your ideals.”
 
“If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. If you focus on what you have, you gain what you lack.”
 
“Your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure yourself: against an ideal, which puts you in what I call ‘the GAP,’ and against your starting point, which puts you in ‘the GAIN,’ appreciating all that you’ve accomplished.”
Takeaway:
You don’t have to reinvent yourself overnight. You just have to notice how far you’ve already come.The empty nest isn’t an ending — it’s your invitation to come home to you again: wiser, deeper, and freer than ever.
If you know you could use some support as you navigate both apathy and regret in the empty nest , email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:.
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Boredom As An Empty-Nester

In this episode, we explore boredom — that restless, itchy feeling that something’s missing, even when life is calm. After years of being needed and scheduled, the quiet can feel both freeing and frustrating. Boredom isn’t a sign of failure — it’s a sign of readiness. Your soul is waking up and looking for new places to pour your energy and creativity.
Key Takeaways:
Boredom is restlessness without direction — it means you have energy again but nowhere meaningful to place it yet.
After years of structure and caretaking, your nervous system is adjusting to stillness.
The remedy isn’t more busyness — it’s curiosity. Ask yourself: “What lights me up now?”
Boredom can actually be a beautiful sign that you’ve rested enough to want more — it’s your inner spark flickering back on.
Give yourself permission to be in the in-between — not rushing to fill the space, but allowing inspiration to find you again.
Boredom is actually an invitation to explore the new and novel. 
Reflection Questions:
Where do I feel that flicker of curiosity or desire lately — even if it’s faint?
What in my life feels predictable or stale?
What feels dull or repetitive in my days right now?
If I could design a day that felt engaging or alive, what would it include?
Where am I secretly craving adventure or risk?
What might feel playful or just for fun?
Where am I desiring novelty, beauty, or creativity?
What am I longing to learn, try, or express in this next season?
What might delight me today?
Try This:
Shift your routine — change your scenery, your music, or the rhythm of your day.
Give yourself permission to play again — try something new without the pressure to be good at it or to be “productive”. 
Instead of asking, “What should I be doing?” ask, “What feels interesting or alive to me today?”
Engage your senses — cook something new, take a different route, listen to live music, visit an art gallery, or simply sit in nature.
Keep a “spark list” — jot down anything that stirs curiosity or delight, no matter how small.
Get curious about the type of play you enjoy:
Types of Play
If you know you could use some support as you navigate both apathy and regret in the empty nest , email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Apathy as an Empty Nester — When You Feel Flat and Depleted

In this episode, we unpack the quiet heaviness of apathy — that feeling of being flat, uninspired, or simply tired of caring. It’s not laziness or lack of motivation; it’s often your body and soul asking for rest. After decades of constant motion — raising kids, managing households, giving your all — apathy can surface when a major season ends. It’s the body’s way of saying, “I need to reset before I embrace the next season.”
Key Takeaways:
Apathy often follows intense seasons of output — like your child’s senior year, college prep, or the emotional labor of letting go.
It’s a signal that your energy reserves are low, not that something’s wrong with you.
Explore which of the seven types of rest you’re craving most:
Physical — Deep sleep, movement, relaxation
Mental — Stepping away from constant decision-making
Sensory — Reducing screen time, noise, and overstimulation
Emotional — Allowing yourself to feel instead of performing
Social — Spending time with people who replenish, not drain
Creative — Seeking beauty and inspiration
Spiritual — Reconnecting with meaning, purpose, or stillness
When you nourish the type of rest you’ve been missing, energy and clarity naturally return.
Remind yourself:
“Of course I’m not broken — I’m exhausted from the last season and in-between seasons right now.”
“It makes sense that I’m apathetic — I really need rest.”
You may even be thinking, “Why bother?” That’s your cue to pause and listen with compassion.
Reflection Questions:
What feels meaningless right now?
What used to light you up that’s feeling a little dim?
Where have you been overgiving or overpouring your energy?
Where have you been drained lately?
What allows you to feel just a bit more awake or alive?
Which form of rest have you been neglecting? What would one small act of restoration look like today?
Try This:
Detach from producing or outcomes and focus on what you’re feeling or experiencing.
Focus on what feels restful or soothing.
Focus on what helps you feel awake or alive — even in small ways.
If you know you could use some support as you navigate apathy in the empty nest , email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Regret vs. Guilt in the Empty Nest Years

As our kids grow up and leave home, many parents find themselves reflecting on the past — replaying choices, wondering what they could have done differently, and questioning the paths they took. 
In this episode, we explore the difference between guilt and regret — two emotions that often surface in the quiet of the empty nest, yet hold very different meanings and invitations.
In This Episode, You’ll Discover:
The subtle but powerful distinction between guilt (“I did something wrong and need to repair it”) and regret (“I wish I’d chosen differently”).
REGRET is sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair.
GUILT is the fact of having done something wrong or the state of feeling responsible for it.
How both guilt and regret can sometimes keep us stuck in self-blame and shame.
Key Takeaway:Both guilt and regret can be powerful teachers — but only if we allow them to move us toward greater compassion and alignment, not punishment.
Tune in if you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“I wish I’d been more present.” “Did I make the wrong choice for my family — or for me?” “How do I forgive myself for what I didn’t know then?”
 
If you know you could use some support as you navigate both regret and guilt in the empty nest , email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory
 

Part 3 - Lifestyle and Structure

In addition to struggling to redefine their identity/purpose and renegotiate their relationships and connections, empty-nesters may struggle to reimagine their new lifestyle and the structure of their days, weeks, and months. 
They may feel:
a loss of routine, structure, and a sense of accomplishment without daily parenting tasks.
restlessness or boredom with too much unstructured time.
temptation to indulge in/buffer their emotions with distractions like food, alcohol, shopping, social media, or “staying busy”.  
I invite you to consider these questions:
How do I want to play each day?
How do I want to have fun each day?
How do I want to rest each day?
What are my essential few:
Tasks
Priorities
Relationships
Habits
Routines
ESSENTIALISM
THE BIG LEAP
If you know you could use some support as you navigate the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory
 

Part 2 - Why Relationships Can Be Challenging For Empty-Nesters

There are three common challenges for empty-nesters:
Losing one’s identity or purpose
Missing convenient, organic relationships/craving meaningful connections
Struggling with a new lifestyle and daily structure
Relationships can feel challenging for empty-nesters if they:
experience marital/long-term partnership shifts—sometimes feeling like they’re living with a stranger now that it’s just the two of them.
crave deeper connection with adult children, yet don't know how to both honor their young adults’ independence while still feeling involved. 
re-evaluate friendships that were centered around parenting. 
If you know you could use some support as you navigate your relationships and connections in the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Part 1 - Redefining Your Identity and Purpose As An Empty-Nester

I’ve noticed these three common challenges for empty-nesters:
Losing one’s identity or purpose
Missing convenient, organic relationships/craving meaningful connections
Struggling with a new lifestyle and daily structure
Identity and purpose is challenging for empty-nesters if they:
are feeling like they’ve lost their sense of self after decades of being “mom first.”
don’t know what their gifts, passions, or talents actually are.
question their relevance and value now that their role as caregiver isn’t front and center.
struggling to figure out what’s next in life.
Your identity can be described as “the thoughts and beliefs you have about who you are and the roles you play.”
Your identity can also be discerned by what you value. 
Use the VALUES INVENTORY link below, I encourage you to complete this prompt:
“I’m someone who values… “
VALUES INVENTORY
Which of the following roles have you played/are currently playing?
Family & Relationship Roles
Daughter – navigating expectations, care, and family dynamics.
Sister – support, rivalry, companionship.
Wife/Partner – nurturing intimacy, managing household partnership.
Mother – caregiving, guiding, protecting, and supporting children.
Grandmother – mentoring, nurturing, and continuing traditions.
Caregiver – often for aging parents or relatives.
Personal Identity Roles
Friend/Confidante – offering emotional support, connection, and loyalty.
Self/Individual – the often-overlooked role of being herself, honoring her own needs, dreams, and growth.
Creative/Artist – expressing imagination and soul through creativity.
Learner/Seeker – continually pursuing knowledge, skills, or personal growth.
Professional & Societal Roles
Worker/Professional – career, business owner, or employee.
Leader/Manager – guiding teams, organizations, or communities.
Teacher/Mentor – formally or informally passing on wisdom.
Community Builder/Volunteer – contributing to local or global causes.
Inner & Archetypal Roles
(These often show up in psychology, mythology, and coaching work.)
The Nurturer – caring, giving, protecting.
The Warrior – strong, resilient, advocating for self and others.
The Lover – passionate, playful, intimate.
The Sage – wise, reflective, guiding.
The Creator – innovating, making, birthing new ideas.
The Explorer – seeking freedom, adventure, discovery.
What professional or personal role(s) do you want to play?
What might prevent you from doing so?
If you want to feel fulfilled and satisfied as an empty-nester, you must be willing to redine your identity and purpose OUTSIDE of family roles. 
If you know you could use some support as you navigate the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

How To Know What You Need

When do you notice struggling to discern or communicate what you really need? Here are a few questions that might provide some much-needed clarity:
Am I willing to give myself the permission to have and communicate my needs?
Am I worried that I’ll burden someone else?
If I weren’t afraid of being a burden, what might I actually ask for?
Am I willing to give myself the same compassion I offer to others?
If my best friend felt the way I do right now, what might I offer?
Do I need something along the lines of:
Space?
Support?
Comfort?
Clarity?
Am I overwhelmed? Is my body tight, heavy, or agitated? 
What does my body need in order to feel a bit more open, spacious, or lighter?
Do I feel safe?
What energizes me? What brings me joy?
What age of me needs something right now?
If you know you could use some support as you navigate the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory
 

The Next Version Of You Will Thrive As An Empty Nester

What if you’ve yet to meet the version of you who will actually love and thrive in the empty  nest stage of your life?
But you might be wondering - how do I meet that version? How do I get to know her?
You begin by spending as much time as possible in the present moment. Ask yourself:
Am I focusing on something that’s happening in the present moment?
Is everything I’m experiencing right now figureoutable?
What am I enjoying NOW?
How is this version of me growing and changing?
If you know you could use some support as you navigate the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory
 

Using Regret Against Yourself In The Empty Nest Stage

It’s common for mothers of adult children to experience regret over having:
worked outside of the home and missed time with their growing children
left a career to stay home and raise children, thereby losing temporary or permanent professional traction
We can either use regret as a catalyst to get curious about what we really value most and commit to creating that now, OR, we can stay stuck in disappointment and longing for a different past. 
I invite you to consider these questions:
What can I use my time, energy, and resources to create now?
How willing am I to stop believing that NOW would be better or different if I had made a different choice back THEN?
How willing am I to accept that I’ll never be able to prove with 100% certainty that I made the wrong/right decision?
How might it have been the perfect decision to work outside the home?
How might it have been the perfect decision to stay home with your kids?
If you know you could use some support as you navigate the empty nest stage with both confidence and self-confidence, email me to schedule a complimentary happy hour call:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory