Intelligent Intoxication

How To Support Your Adult Child Without Becoming Responsible For Their Emotions

Many women—especially mothers of adult children—have been taught that love means emotional availability at all times.
But there’s a difference between being compassionate and becoming emotionally permeable or enmeshed.
In this episode, we explore:
why empathy can quietly turn into emotional over-functioning
the subtle signs of enmeshment in parent/adult child relationships
why “being there” for your children is not the same as carrying their emotional lives
how to support people you love without becoming their emotional regulator
We also discuss:
the difference between connection and emotional permeability
why healthy differentiation can feel threatening in enmeshed families
I invite you to consider this question:
“Am I supporting my adult child… or am I becoming responsible for their emotional life?”
Key Takeaways
Compassion says: “I care deeply.”
Emotional permeability says: “I must carry this.”
Healthy love requires connection—not emotional merging.
Support builds capability.
Over-functioning builds dependence.
I encourage you to remember that:
“Being available is not the same as being emotionally fused.”
“Your job is not to become your child’s emotional life support system. Your job is to help them build their own.”
“Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back enough for someone else to step up.”
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who wants to learn how to support your grown kids in an emotionally healthy way, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Your Adult Children Are Not Your Emotional Charging Station

When our children were growing up, we were meant to be their emotional charging station.
They came to us for:
comfort
reassurance
grounding
perspective
emotional safety
That was healthy.That was parenting.
But in the empty nest season, many parents unconsciously reverse that relationship and begin expecting their adult children to emotionally sustain them.
Our adult children are not meant to carry our emotional well-being:
1. Children are supposed to draw from us—not sustain us
When kids are young, dependency is normal.
But adulthood changes the assignment.
Adult children are supposed to separate, build lives, and become independent.
If we need them to emotionally stabilize us, we place a burden on them they were never meant to carry.
Adult children should not be responsible for your peace
This often sounds like:
Why don’t they call more?
I just want them to need me
I feel hurt when they make decisions without me
Underneath is often:
“I need you to help me feel secure.”
That creates guilt instead of closeness and obligation instead of intimacy.
Worry can disguise emotional dependency
Sometimes what we call concern is actually emotional dependence.
Ask yourself:
Does their happiness determine mine?
Do their struggles destabilize my peace?
Does their approval fuel my emotional stability?
If so, we may be emotionally plugging into them instead of standing on our own emotional ground.
A happy parent is a gift
Gretchen Rubin shared this idea:
“What if our adult children are only as happy as their least happy parent?”
Your peace gives them permission to live.
Your groundedness frees them from managing you emotionally.
A fulfilled parent says:
“You are free to build your life.I am fully living mine.”
Support them—don’t lean on them for identity
This doesn’t mean becoming distant.
It means healthy emotional responsibility.
“I will always support you,but I will not make you responsible for my emotional well-being.”
That is mature love.
Reflection Questions
Have I made one of my children responsible for my peace?
Am I looking to them for identity or validation?
Where do I need to create my own emotional stability?
What would it look like to become a deeply grounded parent?
One of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children is a parent who knows how to stay fully charged on her own.
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who wants to learn how to recharge your own emotional battery, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

What I Learned About Midlife Women—and Myself—From My First Class

What I Thought Women Needed
A clear, written plan for their next chapter
Step-by-step direction
Tangible outcomes they could take with them
What I Discovered They Actually Needed
Clarity about where they are right now
Language for what no longer fits
Permission to want something different
Connection to their values
A sense of the identity they are growing into
Support in aligning habits and routines with that identity
Tools to navigate relationships without self-sacrifice
Key Insight:Women don’t struggle because they can’t make a plan.They struggle when they don’t yet have clarity or permission.
What I Observed in the Room
Strong connection and camaraderie
Meaningful self-awareness emerging
Some hesitation around sharing (safety matters)
What I Learned About Myself
I am strongest in live teaching and real-time coaching
My work is rooted in self-awareness, identity, and behavior—not just planning
I help women align how they live with what they value
I guide women in managing relationships in a healthy, non-self-sacrificing way
Reframe:I’m not just helping women create plans—I’m helping them redesign how they live and relate.
What I’ll Change Next Time
Make the class longer to allow for deeper integration
Clarify the promise so it matches the true transformation
Ensure participants leave with something written and tangible
Final Takeaway
The first round wasn’t about perfection—it was about clarity.
It revealed:
What women truly need in this season
And the work I’m actually here to do
Question for Listeners
Are you trying to create a plan for your next chapter…when what you really need first is clarity about who you’re becoming?
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs clarity in regard to your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Your Adult Children Need You To Be Happy

There’s a quote many mothers have heard:
“You’re only as happy as your least happy child.”
And if we’re honest, many of us have lived like that’s true.
If one child is struggling—emotionally, relationally, financially, spiritually, or professionally—we feel it deeply.
Especially in the empty nest season, it can feel like our emotional well-being is still tied to our children’s lives.
But what if there’s another way to look at it?
Gretchen Rubin shared this thought:
What if our adult children are only as happy as their least happy parent?
That shifts everything.
Maybe our role now is not to keep managing their happiness.
Maybe our work is to become the kind of parent whose peace gives them permission to live.
Your happiness is not selfis - it’s leadership. A peaceful, grounded, emotionally healthy parent creates freedom for adult children.
Adult children need parents who trust, believe, and model emotional adulthood - they do not need a parent who is constantly worried, hovering, or emotionally dependent.
 
Reflection Questions
Am I emotionally outsourcing my peace to one of my children?
Do my children feel responsible for my happiness?
What would it look like to become a deeply peaceful parent?
What kind of freedom would that create for everyone?
Maybe the goal of motherhood in this season is to become the kind of parent whose life says:
“You are free to go build yours.And I am fully living mine.”
Because perhaps our children are only as happy as their least happy parent.
And maybe the work now…
is learning how to become a happy one.
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support to create happiness in your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

What You Need As A Midlife Mom

Do you ever wonder WHY you do what you do?So much of our behavior is driven by the need to have an emotional need met.
According to author and speaker, Tony Robbins, there are six human needs that drive all of us — and understanding them can bring so much clarity and self-awareness.
On today’s episode I’ll apply my understanding of Robbins’ 6 needs to the empty nest stage of life during which midlife women are reimagining “what’s next” while mothering adult children. 
The Six Needs
CertaintyThe need for safety, stability, comfort, and predictability.Where in life do I need to feel secure?
VarietyThe need for change, spontaneity, challenge, and excitement.Where do I feel bored or restless?
SignificanceThe need to feel important, valued, and seen.Where do I seek validation or a sense of mattering?
Love & ConnectionThe need for belonging, closeness, and meaningful relationships.Where do I feel connected — or disconnected?
GrowthThe need to learn, evolve, and become more of who I am.How am I stretching in this season?
ContributionThe need to give, serve, and make a difference.How am I offering my gifts to something bigger than myself?
Key Point
The first four needs help us feel emotionally safe.The last two create deeper fulfillment.
Sometimes what feels like dissatisfaction is simply an unmet need.
Reflection Questions for Listeners
Which need feels strongest for me right now?
Which one feels missing?
How am I currently trying to meet it?
Is there a healthier way to meet that need?
Closing
Understanding your needs helps you move from self-judgment to self-awareness.
Sometimes the discomfort you feel is simply information.
It may be showing you what your life is asking for next.
Here’s the link to Robbins’ article:
Tony Robbins: 6 Human Needs
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support as you craft a next chapter that addresses your 6 needs, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

The Happiness Formula For Your Next Chapter

Arthur Brooks, author of The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose In An Age of Emptiness, is a Harvard professor and social scientist who studies happiness and meaning. 
Brooks simplifies happiness into three core ingredients:
enjoyment
satisfaction
meaning
His formula is:
Happiness = Enjoyment + Satisfaction + Meaning
This gives us a practical framework to ask:
What am I truly enjoying?
Where am I experiencing progress and satisfaction?
What gives this season of life meaning?
Especially in the empty nest season, this can become a beautiful guide for rediscovering identity and purpose.
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support as you craft a next chapter filled with happiness, satisfaction, enjoyment, and meaning, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory
 

Second Season vs. Next Season: Releasing the Pressure to Get It Right

Second Season vs. Next Season: Releasing the Pressure to Get It Right
In today’s episode, we’re exploring the subtle difference between calling this chapter your “second season” versus your “next season.”
At first glance, second season can sound intentional and beautiful — but it can also carry an unspoken pressure:This is it. This one needs to be right.
For many midlife women, especially moms navigating the empty nest and redefining identity, that language can feel heavy.
On the other hand, next season feels more spacious.
It reminds us that life unfolds in many seasons, not just two.There is room to evolve, experiment, and change your mind.
This episode explores:
Why the phrase second season can feel high-pressure
How next season creates more emotional spaciousness
The freedom of knowing this chapter does not have to be final
Giving yourself permission to grow through many seasons of life
The heart of this conversation:You do not need to get the rest of your life right.You only need to choose your next season with intention.
Key Reflection Question
What would I choose for this next season if I knew I could evolve again?
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support as you intentionally plan your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

The Changes You Choose vs. The Ones You Don’t

In this episode, we’re exploring the difference between the life changes we choose as midlife women and the ones that seem to happen to us.
Some changes arrive because we intentionally decide something needs to shift — our routines, our relationships, our homes, our health, or the way we want to live this next season.
Other changes come without invitation: children leaving home, changing family dynamics, body changes, loss, or unexpected transitions that can leave us feeling untethered.
The truth is, midlife often asks us to navigate both.
We may not always choose what happens, but we do get to choose how we respond, what meaning we make of it, and who we become through it.
This episode is an invitation to notice where life is changing around you, where you are being called to choose, and how to move through this season with more intention and self-trust.
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support as you navigate the life changes you can both control and not control, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

Stop Trying To Find Your Purpose

So many women feel the weight of the question: “What is my purpose?”It can feel big, vague, and quietly intimidating—like there’s a “right” answer you’re supposed to figure out.
But what if the question itself is the problem?
This episode offers a gentler, more grounded approach.
Key Shift
Instead of asking:“What is my purpose?”
Try asking:
What lets me feel a little more alive?
When do I notice feeling most like me?
Does this energize me - or does it drain or deplete me?
When do I notice feeling purposeful?
Why “Finding Your Purpose” Feels Heavy
It implies a single, fixed answer
It creates pressure to get it right
It keeps you in your head, searching and overthinking
It can make you feel behind or like you’re missing something
What It Means to Feel Purposeful
Feeling purposeful isn’t something you find once—it’s something you experience in moments.
It often shows up when you are:
Engaged
Energized (not depleted)
Curious or interested
Connected to yourself or others
Doing something that feels meaningful, even in a small way
Better Questions to Ask Yourself
What made me feel energized this week?
When did I lose track of time?
What felt simple, natural, or like “me”?
What am I drawn to lately?
Does this energize me or deplete me?
The Truth About Purpose
Purpose isn’t something you chase—it’s something you generate through how you live.
Small moments of aliveness create a life that feels meaningful.
Try This
Instead of waiting for clarity about your purpose:
Follow what feels engaging
Pay attention to your energy
Let curiosity lead before certainty
Closing Thought
You don’t need to figure out your entire purpose to create a life that feels deeply meaningful.
Start with what brings you to life—and let that be enough to guide your next step.
If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who needs some support as you fill your life with meaning and aliveness, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 
If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 
Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 
My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:
Intentional Intoxication Book
If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:
terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com
For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:
Intoxication Inventory

What Emotions To Expect After Your Kids Leave

In this episode, we talk about the three emotional stages many women move through when their children leave home: Grief, Relief, and Joy.
These stages don’t always happen in a straight line. You may feel two of them at the same time, or circle back to one when holidays, visits, or life transitions happen. But recognizing where you are can bring a lot of clarity.
1. Grief: Letting Go of a Season
The first stage many women experience is grief. This isn’t just missing your children—it’s the quiet realization that a whole era of your life has ended.
You might notice:
What you might be feeling
A deep ache or heaviness in the house
Sudden waves of sadness at unexpected times
Emotional reactions to ordinary things (empty bedrooms, quiet mornings, fewer grocery bags)
What you might be doing
Looking through old photos
Replaying memories of school years, holidays, and routines
Talking about your kids a lot
Wondering where your purpose fits now
What you might not be doing
Feeling motivated to start something new
Making big life plans
Feeling excited about the extra time yet
This stage is about honoring what mattered. That chapter of life was real, meaningful, and beautiful.
2. Relief: Space Opens Up
Relief is the stage that many women feel guilty admitting. But it’s incredibly common.
After years of caregiving, logistics, and responsibility, there is suddenly… space.
What you might be feeling
Lighter
More relaxed in your own home
Curious about what you want again
Occasionally guilty for enjoying the quiet
What you might be doing
Sleeping in or going to bed earlier
Cooking simpler meals (or not cooking at all)
Leaving the house without coordinating schedules
Enjoying spontaneous plans
What you might not be doing
Constantly thinking about what everyone else needs
Running a tightly structured household
Managing everyone else’s emotions
Relief isn’t selfish. It’s the nervous system finally exhaling after years of responsibility.
3. Joy: Rediscovering Yourself
Joy comes when the empty nest starts to feel less like a loss and more like an opening.
This is where women begin reconnecting with parts of themselves that were set aside for years.
What you might be feeling
A sense of possibility
Excitement about creating something new
Confidence in this stage of life
Gratitude for both the past and the present
What you might be doing
Exploring hobbies or interests again
Rearranging or reimagining your home
Starting creative projects or new work
Investing more deeply in friendships or community
What you might not be doing
Defining yourself only as a parent
Waiting for your children’s lives to dictate your own
Feeling like the best part of life is behind you
Joy in the empty nest isn’t about replacing your children. It’s about reclaiming yourself.
A Final Thought
Most women move through all three stages at different times.
You might feel grief when your child leaves after a visit.Relief on a quiet Sunday morning.Joy when you realize your life still holds so much possibility.
None of these feelings are wrong.
They’re simply part of the emotional landscape of the empty nest.
 
If you’re the mother of adult children who needs some help navigating these emotional stages, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
Coaching Call with Terri
I’m thrilled to announce my new in-person class:
“Design Your Second Season – Your Kids Are Grown. Now it’s time to rediscover YOU.”
Design Your Second Season is a 5-week small-group class where moms of adult children come together to reflect, reconnect with who they are now, and begin shaping a meaningful and fulfilling next chapter.
In this class, you’ll gain: • Clarity about who you are now in this stage of life • A vision for what you want your next chapter to look like • Confidence in your gifts and talents • A weekly rhythm that supports what matters most to you
The class is designed to be both thoughtful and practical—giving you space to reflect while also helping you take meaningful steps forward.
Details: Wednesdays, March 25 – April 22 6:00–7:30 PM Kairos Learning Solutions 836 S. Main Street, Salinas
Class size is limited to keep the experience personal and engaging.