How To Offer The Right Help

We all make the mistake of trying to “help” those we care about by:

• swooping in rescuing them
• solving their problems
• giving them advice
• teaching them
• cheering them on
• attempting to distract them

But what really helps, is discerning the role they need or want us to play in the moment. 

Ask them:

“Do you want me to show up for you as a LISTENER, COACH, TEACHER, or CONSULTANT?

If they need a LISTENER, remain quiet and simply listen to their words. If appropriate, repeat their words back to them:

“It sounds like you’re feeling BLANK… is that true?”

If they need a COACH, your job is to ask questions. For example:

• “What do you need to feel supported and safe?”
• “How are you feeling?”
• “What do you want to do? What don’t you want to do?”
• “What do you need?”
• “What don’t you want? What do you want?”
• “If you could have this situation any way that you want it, how might you want it?”

If they need a TEACHER, ask them:

• “Is there something you need to know or want to understand?”

If they need a CONSULTANT, they may need options or choices to respond to:

• “Do you want to BLANK, BLANK, or something else?”
• “Are you feeling BLANK, BLANK, or something else?”
• “How might it feel to say something like BLANK? Does that work for you?”

If you’re willing to take the time to discern what they really need in order to feel supported by you, it will positively affect the quality of your relationship. 

 

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My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

 

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com

 

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory