Boundaries Are Not A Bitchslap

Tonight we’re diving into all things boundaries - specifically:

• what boundaries are NOT
• what boundaries ARE
• the emotion that lets you  know that you need to create or communicate a boundary. 

Boundaries are NOT:

• using words or actions to control, manipulate, threaten or punish others. 
• righteous rules
• rigid standards

Boundaries ARE a combination of:

• REQUESTS: based on your values, you need something. 
  • (I value emotionally mature conversations.) 
    • “I’d appreciate it if we can discuss this calmly and respectfully.”
• RESPONSES: what you will do/not do if the other person is unwilling (they won’t) or incapable of (they can’t) meet your request. 
  • “If you continue to yell and raise your voice, I’ll leave the conversation and remove myself from the room.”

RESENTMENT will alert you to the fact that you need to create and communicate a boundary. Resentment pops up when one of our core values is not being honored. 

If you’re feeling resentful in a relationship, you may be believing something along the lines of:

• “I’m being mistreated.”
• “I’ve been taken advantage of.”
• “They’ve wronged me.”
• “He/she puts me down.”
• “They should or shouldn’t… “
• “I didn’t get what I wanted.”
• “I got what I didn’t want.”

RESENTMENT may show up as:

• anger
• disappointment
• bitterness
• rejection
• frustration
• uneasiness
• regret
• remorse
• righteousness
• Inadequacy

Your RESENTMENT may fuel actions like:

• unwillingness to forgive
• blaming and complaining
• spinning in negative thoughts
• avoiding situations or people
• passive-aggressive behavior
• lashing out or reacting

Eventually, these resentment-driven actions may result in:

• broken relationships
• self-blame or shame
• grudges
• bottled anger
• poor mental health
• emotional reactivity
• revenge

Key Takeways:

• Boundaries aren’t aggressive attacks.
• Boundaries are respectful, clear requests.
• Boundaries allow you to have 100% control over your response.
• Resentment may alert you to the need to create/communicate a boundary. 

If you need help creating and communicating boundaries, please email or DM me. . 

 

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

 

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My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

 

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

terribradwaylifecoaching@coachbradway.com

 

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory